I straight up feel sick to my stomach. I am in the back of an uber en route to lax. I am meeting my Dad there to fly to Hawaii for our much over due father daughter trip.
I am terrified.
I love my father, but he is a complicated man with a disposition that has always had me walking on eggshells. Powerful, intimidating and intense are just a few adjectives I’d use to describe him. He is also very charming and generous.
I didn’t see him too much growing up because he was always busy with business. Not much has changed. But he DID ask me to go on this trip with him to celebrate my upcoming birthday. That’s a really big deal for me. I’ve always admired those girls who have close relationships with their dads. I too wanted to be a Daddy’s girl but the apple of my fathers eye has always been business.
I am over analyzing this trip too much. Are we going to connect in the deep way I have been yearning for or will we continue to do the same cautious dance we’ve done together my whole life? I don’t know. But I’ll be finding out this weekend.
I am so blessed to travel the way I do, but sometimes my travels take me to places I am afraid to go. I don’t mean my destination. I mean the way your heart opens and expands when doing something outside your comfort zone.
This trip with my father is definitely outside of my comfort zone. I am praying that the time we spend together will be full of happy memories that will last our lifetimes. I pray that we get to know eachother on a deeper level we havent yet explored. But, most important I hope our time is filled with Love and Laughter.