The problem with anxiety is that it creeps up on you. I have been feeling great. I just finished an amazing 4 month adventure overseas and during my time away my anxiety basically disappeared. With the exception of a few panicked moments, I felt so FREE and all of the old triggers (big crowds, airports, traffic) didn’t faze me. Yet, when I returned to the states, all those old issues came back to the surface.
In my case, driving makes me anxious, especially in traffic. I avoid freeways at all costs. Unfortunately, living in Orange County requires a car. You cannot walk to get to the grocery store or to your friend’s house. Sadly, this fear of driving, really affects all of my plans. One of the first things I wanted to do when I got home was to visit my best friend in Los Angeles. I had to keep canceling our plans at the last minute because the thought of driving through LA traffic left me sick to my stomach.
Since I first arrived home on February 3rd, I had planned a visit to my 90 year old Grandma’s house. I know that every time we see each other could be our last so making these trips is really important to me. Basically, I decided that no matter what I was going to make the 2 hour drive to see her.
I set out at the perfect time where there was the least traffic yet as soon as I got on the freeway I broke out in a cold sweat. I immediately called my mom and made her talk to me while I made my way to Palm Springs. I can’t begin to count how many times I thought about turning around and driving back home, but I didn’t. I prayed, I cried, and I drove. You see, the thought of missing a memory with my Grandma was more heartbreaking than driving through the discomfort of a panic attack.
I have good days and bad days. Just because I practice Yoga and Meditation doesn’t mean I am always calm. It’s the opposite. I have always had too much nervous energy and that is exactly what led me to explore the world of Yoga. I know that the people reading this who have never experienced a panic attack will find it hard to relate to. But, I also know that there are people out there who will read these words and wholeheartedly identify with them. This blog post is for those people. I FEEL you.